03 January, 2008

So Why The Fuck Am I So Bored?

Fianlly, after 40 days at the freakin army, I get a vacation. You'd expect I'm spending it all out hanging out with the guys and having fun especially that the first day of the vacation was new year's eve but for some reason, that isn't the case.

By the way, before you read this to the end and then discovering that you've just waited some precious time reading what a depressive whiny dude is blabbering on his blog then just leave now cause this post isn't meant to be informative or useful at all, it's just a way for me to let some steam out and/or try to see what the hell is the problem here.

Maybe its my depression kicking in again, but somehow, I'm avoiding leaving home and I'm pinned to my laptop watching videos about UFOs and conspiracy theories and checking my e-mail. At the end of every goddamn vacation I take the same decision that the next vacation I'm not going to stay at home at all even if I'm just going to roam the streets alone doing nothing, but let's face it, that's not exactly "having fun" either!

The way I see it, there are more of a couple of reasons why I'm feeling this way. First of all, I don't really have "friends" here. I do know some guys but I'm just avoiding calling anybody for some reason. At the end, all we're going to do anyways is just sit at some place have a cup of coffee and consume half a pack of cigarettes and laugh a little. Maybe that's all you need, but I don't know, may be I'm expecting too much, but that kind of stuff doesn't really amuse me anymore.

The second reason is I'm on a limited budget, and I just hate it. Me just spent like three quarters of my allowance -I know its a shame to admit that at 25 I'm still getting an allowance, but, I'm in the army now, how the hell am I going to get money anyways?- fixing the goddamn car. You might say that thats a good cause, but do you think I'm using it? Actually my bro is the one who's using it and he's the one who ruined it in the first place and believe you and me, I have no idea why the hell did I have to spend money fixing it... I don't even have a driving license -which according to Ahmad, is why I'm "not allowed" to drive it- fuck it.

Anyways, I barely have enough money to get the stuff I need in the army so I'm choosing to stay at home instead of having fun which for some reason, always seems to require spending cash.

I've been saying for a very long time now that I need a girlfriend. It's moments like these that you'll know why people still get married, cause loneliness is fuckin unbearable! I wish they invent some pill for that or finally develop the technology for having some kind on a virtual girlfriend gizmo that you put in your pocket and when you need her you just press a button and -as my orientation year english language teacher used to say- voila! she's there. I bet ya that when they invent such a device you're going to see a dramatic decrease in the number of marriages.